“Women come second. No question about it. We should strive to stay modest, stay quiet, and stay home,” Sidney, a BYU graduate, says of the LDS church.
If one thing is consistent across Christianity, it’s that women are held as inferior to men. This rings especially true in terms of sex, as women often bear the brunt of the punishment and religious guilt admonished by clergy members. Even children can be the targets of religious men’s lust and are forced to live with the trauma. The power that men exert over women as a result of their supposed superiority manifests early and is only reinforced through religious manipulation as they get older.
BYU Honor Code Office
As a student at BYU, Sidney experienced sexist discrimination by the BYU Honor Code Office (HCO), the school’s disciplinary body. Because of her experiences with the office and the church’s ideologies regarding women, she decided to take action. After her graduation in 2019, she created an instagram account @honorcodestories through which she was able to share stories from current and former BYU students who were disappointed and/or felt violated by the office staff.
She received nearly 200 stories during the time she was active on the account from other students and alumni describing the treatment they received at the office and the threats of expulsion they received. Most of the women that reported sexual assaults were shamed and punished more severely than the men who assaulted them.
One woman wrote: “I met a guy in 2017 as I was waiting to go on my mission, and shortly after we met, he sexually assaulted me…My bishop spoke to this boy’s bishop and advised that I talk to the HCO, because his bishop said that happened frequently. I felt that I needed to protect other girls, so I went into the HCO…They [Title IX Office] said they would take my statement and discuss how we could continue the process…Because I didn’t pursue further action, my HCO counselor told me that it was probably consensual. She told me that I was upset and was dealing with the guilt of having committed such serious sexual sin. She said that I was trying to avoid punishment by smearing his name… I needed to send in a written statement describing what really happened, and she would stay on the phone with me as I wrote it… She fully coached me through my statement. She basically wrote it herself… I woke up three days later to a letter that I had been suspended… They told me this was a consequence of my actions.”
Soon after, two other girls came forward with allegations of sexual assault against the same man and the HCO was investigated by the Title IX office. But this student was still suspended for two other incidents she had no idea about and could not get information on. She also still had to complete her punishment which consisted of: 8 progress review appointments, a 3–5 page reflection and writing assignment, a scripture journal, 20 hours of volunteer service each month, and a self-report commitment. The man was expelled but the HCO’s treatment of the woman who came forward was not undone.
Another student in a similar situation wrote in to the account: “Before I graduated, the HCO had been notified of male student who had been accused of sexual assault and rape by multiple women. They called me in to give my own experience with him… I told the HC counselor that this guy coerced me into making out with him outside at night… The counselor wrote ME up for violating the Honor Code and said this might hinder my ability to attend school. He had me write down in my file my ‘transgression’ since I was a participant in this sexual predator’s acts…”
These are merely three stories among the hundreds Sidney received and the thousands that likely exist outside of social media awareness. This isn’t an isolated phenomenon either. Outside of Utah, there are millions more Christian men and women who fall victim to religious teachings that uplift men and keep women in the shadows. Men are celebrated and encouraged to “take” what they want in life in the name of God while women are coached to submit and be obedient in the home.
Though not everyone interprets their sect of Christianity so conservatively, many do and it hinders women’s rights specifically regarding sexual violence. The LDS church is notoriously more conservative than other Christian sects, so the problem is especially glaring. Members are encouraged to discuss their “transgressions” with their bishop, where they will likely be advised to repent through various means. In the case of BYU students, their bishops will sometimes be in contact with the HCO and this opens a potentially detrimental line of communication wherein certain issues discussed with a bishop may have been resolved initially but might be taken on by the office and can lead to serious punishment and violation.
2002 Catholic Church Sex Scandal
Systemic sexual abuse isn’t exclusive to the LDS church. In 2002, the Boston Globe Spotlight team conducted an investigation into Boston priests to uncover a history of sexual assault starting with one John Geoghan. Over many years, Geoghan had been shuffled around churches all over the city, with periods of “sick leave” during which it would have been too risky for him to take up a role in a church because of accusations piling up or when he was in treatment for sexually abusive priests. He spent decades moving around from parish to parish and avoiding any real punishment, all with the help of his superiors and peers in the church.
As the investigation continued, 12 more priests were discovered to have been sexually abusive at one point or another and with the assistance of former priest A.W. Richard Sipe, they were able to ascertain a much higher number. Sipe’s decades-long research had yielded an estimate that 6% of priests were sexual abusers, which helped the team uncover almost 90 priests that had molested children. At the time of the article’s release in 2002, the findings astonished and disgusted most everybody that read them. People are made to trust their church leaders with their children and themselves. Children are raised with the idea that they can trust church leaders, so in many cases sexual assault confuses victims and they don’t report. In these instances, the victims were children, so they also experienced lingering confusion and trauma from the incident(s).
The enduring question after taking in this information is: why couldn’t church leaders protect children and get justice for them instead of allowing it to continue? In the Boston priest scandal, it would appear that men don’t seem to think that their crimes are bad enough to warrant actual punishment. It’s just a boy’s club and when one priest does something wrong his friends and superiors will look after him and his power. A man’s sins are redeemable and often aren’t perceived by other men as being a big deal, especially when that man is in a position of power, meaning that he is above the law in some people’s eyes (those with power, mainly).
Manipulation and Victim-Blaming/Shaming
The idea that men can redeem their sins and that they should be held in higher regard lends credence to the idea that women and children are less revered in religion than men. This is abundantly clear when it’s taken into account that actions like abortion are off the table because it will “end a life” while child molestation and sexual abuse are forgivable in their eyes. After all, women are blamed for men’s sexual sins more often than not.
When women are assaulted, the questions they’re asked are extremely telling: “What was she wearing?”, “How much did she drink?”, “Did she fight back hard enough?”, “Why would she dress up like that if she didn’t want it?”. The religious ideal of modesty does nothing to sway the men who intend to get what they want. Sidney’s instagram features stories from countless women who describe instances in which men got more sexual than either party wanted but who, upon completion, turn it back around and tell the women, “This is your fault, you made me do this”, when in reality, the man can stop at any time and just doesn’t want to.
When she was called into the HCO, Sidney notes that she was the sole party punished; her ex-boyfriend was not. When she wanted to know why this was the case, they doubled down on her “sin”.
She said: “They told me that it was because he came in and confessed, and I only came in because they called me in. I had a longer punishment, and had more institute and devotional requirements. It’s sick. She also told me that “Your ex mentioned that it was really hard for him to feel the spirit in your home because your parents live there, and your parents are no longer members of the church” I felt like he was “cut slack” given the spirit wasn’t in my home, and this is why he couldn’t keep it in his pants. It almost felt like it wasn’t his fault, but it was my fault for taking him home to my family in an environment where I knew it would be hard to keep the rules…”
The ways in which the HCO goes about getting information out of women is also extremely telling. They employ devious questioning tactics to obtain sexual details they’ll use to punish the woman, regardless of whether that’s why she was called in to the office or not. Numerous posts on Sidney’s instagram detail incidents such as these.
One student wrote: “I walked into the office and had absolutely no idea why they called me in. I sat on the counselor’s couch and she started a rapid fire of questions. She first asked me if I had a boyfriend…how long we were together, if we were serious, and if we had talked about getting married yet…I answered all her questions honestly. I was seriously dating this boy, but we hadn’t done anything wrong and I couldn’t understand where she was going with all of these questions…When she got nothing out of me, she finally told me what I had been called in for. My crime had absolutely nothing to do with my boyfriend…It felt like she was bullying me and pushing me into a corner…”
Sidney herself thought the questions were particularly invasive, revealing that, “I was asked if he grabbed my boobs over or under my bra, who was on top, if the door was locked, if the lights were on, etc.”
These lurid methods of questioning only serve to shame the woman being questioned and aren’t actually used in building a case against the abuser. And they don’t intend to really punish the men either in many cases. These incidents go to further prove the idea that crimes against women aren’t taken seriously and those that investigate them seek to pin the blame squarely on the woman’s shoulders. It keeps them from having to hold men accountable for their actions because they believe that men have and should always have more power.
Power Dynamics at Play
Men are not taught to be silent, nor are they taught to obey women. They are encouraged to rough-house because “boys will be boys”. They are encouraged to stand up and fight for themselves and what they believe in. Women are taught how to be good wives and mothers and how they can best support their husbands. They are shamed for indiscretions and assaults while men’s sins are swept under the rug because they could “ruin his life”.
In the initial Boston Globe article “Church Allowed Abuse by Priest for Years,” the Spotlight investigators uncovered multiple victims of childhood sexual abuse by Geoghan and a history of manipulation of the families to keep them from speaking out. Of one such instance, the article details one Reverend John E. Thomas’ conversation with the mother of a young sexual abuse victim.
Spotlight writer Michael Rezendes, wrote, “He cited the years Geoghan had spent studying for the priesthood, and the consequences for Geoghan if the accusations against him were publicized. ‘Do you realize what you’re taking from him?’ Thomas asked.”
This notion that the punishment a man receives as a consequence of his own actions is a common defense used to prevent these punishments from being handed down. We’ve seen it countless times in the media, one of the most high-profile cases being the 2016 trial of Brock Turner. The college athlete had raped an unconscious woman and was sentenced to a mere six months in prison — of which he only served three — because of the negative effects of a longer sentence and the toll the trial had already taken on him. In essence, the sympathetic judge didn’t want to “ruin” Turner’s life with a long sentence.
The general public was outraged by this decision and afterwards the victim came out with her own statement about the ordeal, which prompted us to ask ourselves why Turner was able to get away with it. Why are men allowed to escape the consequences of their sins? In a culture that shames sinners and works ceaselessly to punish those they perceive as sinners, why do members of their own faith seem to get special treatment?
One of the core Christian teachings is to “Love thy neighbor”, but it doesn’t seem popular among men (and women) in the church. They don’t seem to know what true love is, because it isn’t assault or judgement in the name of bringing goodness upon yourself. If they can achieve entrance through the pearly gates, they will judge and report and hurt you all they can. Their primary concern is for themselves. The founders and current leaders of the religion set it up this way. This hierarchy that places men at the top and perpetuates attitudes that allow them to maintain their power are an integral part of the religion. It’s easier to have a default line of power, for men, that is.
Many Christians lead a strange existence. They preach the Bible and memorialize Christianity’s core principles, yet they don’t appear to follow them in their own lives. The examples of students reported to the HCO and who report their own partners are taught that reporting will absolve them. Their honesty will be enough and they’re rewarded with lighter punishments. Sometimes no punishment is rendered at all.
Rezendes again referenced A.W. Richard Sipe, whose years of research aided the Spotlight team in uncovering more assaults. Sipe said, “In Geoghan’s case, the church defied its own most basic values of protecting the young and fostering celibacy.”
The same power dynamics play out in the LDS Church. The higher-ups, all men, use their positions to manipulate members of their church to remain silent about sexual assault. Not only does it protect their peers and everything they’ve worked for, it also maintains the Church’s clean reputation. In one investigation, VICE reported that the LDS church’s hotline was being used to silence victims. The hotline is run by volunteer clergy members and all calls regarding abuse are funneled to a law firm rather than being flagged immediately for authorities. This law firm, VICE found, is closely linked to the LDS church. Instead of allowing abuse cases to go straight to authorities and be made public, the law firm would aid in persuading the victims to stay silent.
This use of manipulation over victims is frequently used to keep women silent and reinforce that power dynamic between men and women in the church. The justification of religious morality only serves to effectively keep people quiet about wrongdoings in and out of religious institutions.
Sidney’s ex-boyfriend reported her to the HCO for activity they engaged in together. Of his reasoning, she said, “As the Elders Quorum president, he felt it was the right example to set. They wanted to know why I didn’t come to them first, and that if I were closer to the spirit like he was, I would have confessed.”
The former BYU student also experienced the culture of secrecy surrounding sexual abuse in the church. Similarly to the Church’s use of a law firm to silence victims and uphold their reputation, the BYU HCO also applied such tactics. Sidney revealed that she was forced to sign a piece of paper that stated she’d refrain from disclosing the details of her probation process to anyone, effectively isolating her and keeping their practices a secret.
Secrecy is a vital part of maintaining the churches’ reputations. Without it, their members would have reason to question them. Why are clergy members exempt from the most basic teachings? Why are those that abuse others granted more lenience and forgiveness?
Those questions would go unanswered. Churches would notice a dip in membership. There would be no excuse.
Power is a wanton thing and men will do whatever they can to hold onto it or achieve it. In the church, there is a special hierarchy of power that men can be a part of, but it often means that their own sins are ignored at the expense of women. Men will help each other grab power too, and make excuses in their peers’ defense. It helps that people in the church believe that women are intrinsically inferior to men. If what a man does has no effect on his peers, they have no reason to out him. The same goes for the Boston priests and Christian men. They only have power while the people trust them and their peers look out for them. Once they lose one, the other will soon follow.
Like many others have, Sidney lost the faith she once had in the LDS church. After her experiences at BYU and coming to the realization that no matter what she did, she’d always be inferior to men in the church, she left the faith and moved across the country to begin a new career and start a new chapter in her life.
“It’s truly the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I have never felt more like a WOMAN,” Sidney declared.
